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How to choose your Wife

When searching for a wife the most important principle one has to understand is that whatever pleases you about a woman will suffice. There are further clarifications in Islam on what are the qualities you should be looking for in a wife. This is one of the rights of your children upon you that you choose a good mother for them. Below is a breakdown of what to look for and they are explained by a collection of Ahadeeth.

A Righteous Muslim Woman

Four qualities women are married for and which one to look for as a priority;

Abu Hurairah may Allah be pleased with him reported that the Prophet SAW said: “A woman is sought in marriage for four reasons; wealth, social status, beauty and deen (piety). So seek the one with deen – may you then be successful.” (recorded in Bukhari & Muslim)

The Prophet SAW also said: “The best property a man can have is a remembering tongue (about Allah), a grateful heart and a believing wife who helps him in his faith.” And again: “The world, the whole of it, is a commodity and the best of the commodities of the world is a virtuous wife.”

A woman that brings happiness or misery;

Sa’ad bin Abi Waqas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said: “There are four sources of happiness and four sources of misery.

Among the sources of happiness are:
1.    A good wife who pleases you when you look at her; and when you are away from her, you trust her in regards to herself and your property.
2.    An easy ride that enables you to catch up with you companions.
3.    A house that is spacious and of many facilities.
4.    A good neighbor.
And the sources of misery are:
1.    An evil wife who dismays you when you look at her, who uses her tongue against you, and who, when you are away from her, you would not trust her in regard to herself or your property.
2.    A stubborn ride that if you whip it would tire you, and if you leave it alone you would not be able to catch up with your companions.
3.    A tight house of limited facilities.
4.    An evil neighbor. (Recorded by Al-Hakim)

Avoiding a Woman of low moral standard

Abu Musa al-Ashari may Allah be pleased with him reported that Allah’s Messenger SAW said: “There are three individuals that, when they supplicate to Allah, their supplication is not answered: a man who has a wife of bad character but he does not divorce her, a man who lends money to another man without taking witnesses, and a man who gives money to a weak minded person.”  (Recorded by Al-Hakim)

Virgins

This is not a condition for marriage but rather a recommended quality;

Abdullah bin Masud (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said; “Marry virgins, because they have sweeter mouths (i.e. speech) and more fertile wombs, and are easier to be satisfied with little wealth.” (Recorded by at-Tabarani)

There is also the hadith of Jabir ibn Abdillah reported that once he was on an expedition with the Prophet SAW, and when they were close to the city of Madinah, he sped on his mount. The Prophet SAW asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, “I am recently married!” The Prophet SAW asked, “To an older lady or a younger one?” [the Arabic could also read: “To a widow or a virgin?”], to which he replied, “A widow.” The Prophet SAW said, “But why didn’t you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?”

Loving Wife

Marry women that you expect will love;

Abu Uthaynah as Sadafi (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said: “The best of your women are those who are bearers of many children, loving, comforting, and tolerant – provided that they have taqwa to Allah. And the worst of your women are those who display their charms, and who walk with arrogance. Such are the hypocrites, and those of them who will enter the Jannah are as rare as are the red-beaked and red-legged crows.” (Recorded by Al- Bayhaqi)

Ibn Abbas may Allah be pleased with him reported that Allah’s Messenger SAW said: “Your Women who will be of the dwellers of Jannah are those who are loving, bearers of many children, and caring toward their husbands.” (Recorded by Tammam ar Razi and Others)

Beauty

As men are physical by nature beauty is important;

Abu Hurairah may Allah be pleased with him reported Allah’s Messenger SAW said: “The best of women is that who pleases him (husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes.” (Recorded by Ahmad)

Compatibility

In Islam we are told that compatibility is important;

Aisha may Allah be pleased with her reported that Prophet SAW said: “Make a (good) choice for your seed; marry who are compatible, and marry (your daughters) to them.” (Recorded by Ibn Majah, al-Hakim and Others)

In Conclusion Deen and Character should be the focal point of one’s search in a wife. All other qualities if possessed are icing on the cake.

Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team

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  1 Comment

  1. mohammed   •  

    Assalam alakum, aim Mohammed i want to know best chose spouse in my life according Quaraan sura Nisa chapter 4, whose to marry and what quality r need i want those spouse not only fully religious and well educated to build best career i mean to our children to teach what best n respected Elders mean my father ,Mother our family members and also taqua (virtue) i wants .simply i what i need not what i want simply wish ,desire to marry these girl i thing u can catch my point?

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