A Spouse Closed to Growth | Part 1

The Young Man and the Elder Stranger A 24-YEAR-OLD man lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. He had a reputation as someone who could not keep a job for long, who did just the necessary minimum to get by. He never hurt anyone or committed any crime but seemed to have no ambition or willingness to improve […]

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Choosing A Mate Wisely

DISCUSSIONS WITH A close friend of mine were once dominated by her excitement and continuous expressions that she wanted to get married. She told me she had a brother in mind that captivated her with his charm, intelligence, and handsome looks. She said that he was interested in her as well. She said many things about him, but none of […]

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Marriage Bandits and the End of Secret Second Wives

MORE AND MORE awareness has been raised regarding the phenomenon of ‘marriage bandits’ – those men, often portraying themselves as ‘religious,’ who approach women with convincing proposals of marriage, charming them into shady arrangements resembling (barely) ḥalâl hook-ups rather than serious commitments. Shortly after, victims of these predators will find themselves used and abused, their Islamic rights disregarded, and their […]

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The Rights of Children Over Parents | Part 2

PSYCHOLOGISTS DEFINE THE word ‘family’ as the first group of people that a child lives and interacts with in the first years of his life. During this period the child copies his parents in their attitudes, personality, reactions to different situations, cultural practices, etc… The first and foremost job of the family is to protect the fiṭra of the child. […]

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The Fires of Marriage: Fire #1: Is Your Spouse Inconsiderate of Your Time?

IN OUR INTRODUCTION (“The Fires of Marriage: How to Stop Fighting With Your Spouse”) we discussed how marital conflict can be used as a tool to bring couples closer by strengthening their bond. Just as Allah’s Messenger œ mentioned that fitnah (tribulation) purifies the believer like a forge-fire purifies gold, there is perhaps no relationship that can purify a person better […]

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Men Are Babies and Other Jokes

MEN ARE JUST babies.” “Women are so emotional.” “Your husband is your first child.” “Don’t try to understand women.” In lectures and articles, from popular Muslim speakers and well-meaning aunties, these phrases are passed on as part and parcel of marriage advice or counsel on how to deal with the opposite gender. The tone is usually light-hearted, with a knowing […]

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Teaching Love for the Prophet in our Families

LOVE IS LEARNED, there’s no doubt about it. And, just as racism and hate is taught by actions and words throughout a child’s life, so is love and forbearance. In our communities, there is much love for all those material things in life – houses, cars, the latest and greatest gizmos. We teach our children to crave these things…but what […]

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Parenting in Mixed Marriages

If children are born into a marriage, it can highlight many of the differences that you were originally able to overlook as a couple. Some cultural differences, like food preferences and language difficulties, may be overcome in the first years of marriage. However, other challenges, like how to rear children, can stretch on for the whole of a couple’s parenting […]

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Spiritual vs. Romantic Love

There has been a tendency to mix between romantic and spiritual love, with a mistaken belief that both are just two faces of the same coin. While I agree that both emanate from the same sacred fountain of life, with an objective of creating enjoyable and serene atmosphere, there is a clear distinction between them. Romantic love is conditional, spiritual […]

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You Were a Spouse Before You Became a Parent

Escapism is officially defined as: Es·cap·ism (-skpzm) n. The tendency to escape from daily reality or routine by indulging in daydreaming, fantasy, or entertainment. *** He arrives home at 8:30 p.m, exhausted from the day’s work. As he shuts the front door gently, she hears him enter, totally engrossed in the latest plot twist of the local prime time television show. […]

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