Islam and Intimacy

In Islam satisfying one’s sexual appetite is a both a vehicle to perpetuating the human race and curbing one’s most basic and primitive desires.

A rewarding Intention:
Lawfully satisfying one’s sexual appetite is a means of lowering one’s gaze and guarding one’s modesty. It is by the Mercy of Allah that muslims are rewarded for lawfully satisfying their sexual appetites.

Abu Tharr (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that some of the companions complained to the Prophet SAW that “O Allah’s Messenger! The wealthy people have taken away all of the rewards. They pray as we do and fast as we do, and they give charities from their extra monies.” The Prophet SAW replied “But has Allah not given you that which you may offer as charity? Verily, every tasbih is a charity; every takbir is a charity; every tahlil is a charity; every tahmid is a charity; commanding good is a charity; forbidding the evil is a charity; and having intercourse (with your wife) is a charity. And all of those may be encompassed by two rakat that one would pray in the mid-morning.” The companions asked “O Allah’s Messenger would one of us fulfill his desire and yet get a reward for that?” The Prophet SAW replied “Assume that he directed it toward a prohibition (Zina), would that not result in a burden for him? Therefore, if he directs it toward that which is permissible, he gets a reward for it.” (Recorded by Muslim)

Producing the Righteous:
Allah has prescribed a dua upon muslims which aims to safeguard their children from the planning of shaytaan before they are even created.

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah SAW said “When one of you wants to approach his wife (meaning sexually), if he says: Bismillah, Allahuma jannib nash-Shaytaan, wa-jannib ish-Shaytaana ma razaqtana (With the name of Allah, O Allah, keep Satan away from us, and keep him away from what you grant us). If it is decreed that they get a child (from that intercourse) Satan will never harm it.” (Recorded in Bukhari and Muslim)

We as muslims should strive to preserve and protect our future children by integrating this supplication into our bedroom repertoire.

Fulfilling one’s desires in Haste:
In Islam, safeguarding one’s modesty is one of the primary purposes of marriage. As such it is highly recommended for one to satisfy his/her sexual urges immediately.

Usamah bin Zaid (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said “I have not left after me a tribulation more harmful to men that women.” (Recorded in Bukhari and Muslim)
Talq bin Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah SAW said “When one of you desires from his wife (sexual) need, let him go to her, even if she is working at the outdoor oven.” (Recorded in Tirmidhi)

The aforementioned ahadeeth indicates that a Muslims should curb their sexual appetites by immeaditely satisfying their sexual urges. It is highly recommended that the wife accommodate her husband’s sexual advances as this is one of her duties as a wife. It is not befitting a muslimah to reject her husband sexual advances without a legitimate shariah reason.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger SAW said “If a man invites his wife to bed and she refuses to come and he sleeps while angry, the angels curse her till the morning.” (Recorded in Bukhari and Muslim)

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him( reported that Allah’s Messenger SAW said “By the One in whose hands is my soul, never would a man invite his wife to his bed and she refuses but the One who is above the heavens would be angry with her until he (her husband) is pleased with her.” (Recorded in Muslim)

It it is important to note that women have rights similar to men. As such a husband should also accommodate his wife’s sexual advances as marriage is a union which requires cooperation, understanding, and patience from both parties. It is only by fulfilling the rights and duties Allah has laid down upon us that we as Muslims may be successful.

Muslim Harmony – Advice Central Team


  1. Sister   •  

    All about men. Again.

  2. sadia   •  

    because the men is a degree over us. they are in charge of maintaining their wives. and it does say sexual intimacy for the woman is a right also, so it is not all about the men.but the men will always be first, because our husbands, THOSE MEN are our tickets to jannah. to please those men, is to please allah swt

  3. ehtisham habib   •  

    very nice reply by sadia.

  4. umobayda   •  

    Sub7aan Allah! I haven’t heard of too many men who reject their wives when she calls him to bed but many many many women refuse and reject their husbands! They use it as a weapon against the poor husband!

  5. Brother   •  

    Lol @umobayda’ comment! xD
    ..btw if what you say is true then sisters need to fear Allah, if they refuse that right of the husband then they are tempting him towards haraam as he can easily go to other women…

  6. sister of 3 kids   •  

    salam, so what if the husband has not been nice to the wife (not talking to her, ignoring her, not showing any concern or care) and then he calls her to bed. what kind of a person would want to sleep with a man who is not being nice to her?? or better yet, what if that husband does not obey Allah… how can a woman sleep with a man who is not God-fearing and disrespects Allah by not praying, etc? do women still have to fight their urges of NOT sleeping with him just to satisfy Allah? all a woman wants is to be loved and cared for, no matter what… and when she does not recieve this, it is hard for her to be with someone who does not show any love and then actually sleep with him! i don’t get it.

  7. ZR   •  

    Agree with “Sister”. This is really badly written, and contains the wrong approach to gender relations, and the marriage relationship. You are trying to demonstrate a good thing, but actually, you’ve completely missed the point of a harmonious marriage. There is a much deeper, more meaningful, resonance to these hadeeths. (If you would like me to re-write this, drop me a line).

  8. No1Muslimah   •  

    To Sister of 3, please reread carefully, there is a clause, so long as she has a reason within shariah to reject him, if he is not being a good muslim, this is reason enough, not just to reject intimacy with him for the night, but grounds for divorce. Insha’allah no one has such a problem, but this is why the prophet pbuh recommended marrying one who has a strong religious faith. A man who fears Allah will never intentionally hurt his wife (or any other human). If Islam preaches that we treat everyone we meet with kindness and respect, how about the closest to us, our spouse. When your husband lives as Allah commanded us, you will have no problem giving him what he askes because you too will be satisfied. Therefore you will have no reason within shariah to reject him.
    Ladies, Islam isn’t an oppressive religion. We are free, and your husbands know that. Have a little faith.

  9. Sumair   •  

    To sister umobayda’s point, she is right. I can tell from personal experience that there are women who marry just for the sake of getting hitched but are not attracted to men.

  10. ss   •  

    i am suprise by sister of 3 comment where she says if she doesnt want to do it but dhould do it just to please allah? Just to please allah? I am shocked on your audacity to ask such thing. .i will go as far as saying tht if u r suffering the wrst of this life u still dont have the minutest abilility or right to question allah. . Ur mere existance is to please allah. . By any way. .u either do it or dont do it. . And yes jusst to please allah u shud do things which you even think you can do. . Allah has a valid and total right over us. . I cant stop cos i cant get over the fact tht muslim can ask suchh a qtn. .
    Allah knows best

  11. Hanane   •  

    A man who loves his wife and knows the hadith about women who refuse their husbands will not invite his wife to bed when she is obviously not in the mood because he will not want her to be “cursed by the angels until morning”. You can’t tell me that a man is going to commit adultery immediately if he has an urge he doesn’t fulfill until the next day. Another thing this article does not say is that in Islam men have an obligation to satisfy their wives, and since women are supposed to be virgins, as well as men, this will require some experimentation and sensitivity. Unfortunately, many men don’t have the patience to learn about their wife’s needs. The statement “In Islam, safeguarding one’s modesty is one of the primary purposes of marriage. As such it is highly recommended for one to satisfy his/her sexual urges immediately.” does not mean as quickly as possible. There are other hadith that deal with a woman’s right to be satisfied by her husband. I wonder why they are not mentioned here? If men were more interested in their wives’ sexual needs, there would be less of a need for men to complain about being refused. Also, as far as what Sumair is saying, I think it is a man’s responsibility to awaken an attraction in his new bride, not just consummate the marriage and expect her to fall at his feet because he’s doing her the favor of marrying her-and not just provide 7 days of honey but a lifetime of love and support. Spouses are meant to have mercy BETWEEN them.

  12. Muslima Sister   •  

    I Read in ur article
    Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger SAW said “If a man invites his wife to bed and she refuses to come and he sleeps while angry, the angels curse her till the morning.” (Recorded in Bukhari and Muslim)
    so im curious what if its the other way round??what If the woman is willing but the husband does not keep a sexual relationship with her.Ive been married for 6 yrs,am 27 yrs old,have a small child too..My husband is NOT attracted towards me and is hardly ever interested in having a sexual relationship with me..Ive tried several times to discuss with him but he says its not a big issue and he’ll try to make things normal but its not something u can by the grace of Allah above average looking,polite and obedient so please tell me what should I do??what does Islam say abt it?

  13. Salwa   •  

    LOL such ignorant comments.

    All about the men again. YES because Allah created us very differently. Men have more fitnah, as the hadith mentioned Women are the biggest fitnah for men. It is how Allah has created them. Its all a test doesnt mean they are better… Allah test them with that trial. We as women have our own too.

    But the same does apply to women, a Man should not reject his wife, as it may cause her harm, rejection and she may fullfill her needs elsewhere. So a woman is also capable of falling into sin if her needs are not being met.

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