10 Qualities to make a Husband Happy
We all know that Allah subhana wa ta’alaa has described the treatment of the spouses in the Quran as:
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21). Here Muwadda means Love and Rahma is Mercy. Allah subhana wa ta’alaa describes this relationship as one that begins with love and both spouses having a joyous time, but, inevitably there are times where they have to treat each other with mercy. Mercy here encompasses being patient with your spouse, listening to your spouse and many other facets. The following story that is narrated is the advice of one of the mothers of the past giving to her daughter before she got married:
A Mother’s Advice To Her Daughter For Marriage
‘Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected
leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn
‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into
her room, to advise her and said:
‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal,and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you.”
Jamharah Khutah al-‘Arab, 1/145
From this incident we see the qualities that the Mother has suggested to her daughter in order to ensure that her husband is happy and therefore their marriage is successful inshaAllah.
And let him put his foot over you too, whenver he pleases, because that’s what makes him most happy and marriage is, afterall, 90% about him.
YOUR JUST A SAD CASE THAT ONLY THINKS ABOUT HERSELF !!!
THIS WOMEN THAT THE STORY IS REFERRING TOO IS ABOUT THE MOTHER OF THE GREATEST SCHLOAR THAT EVER LIVED !!!
YOU WILL NOT SMELL PARADISE IF YOUR HUSBAND ISNT PLEASED WITH YOU !!
I think this is a really beneficial article…
Who ever posted the above comment needs to be careful with that they and how they say things.
This advice is for practicing brothers and sisters and NO PRACTICING, GOD FEARING man would EVER be happy putting his foot over his wife…
May Allah guide us all and we all need to remember that ALLAH sees all things and he will never forgive someone who takes someone elses rights away from them.
God fearing man will NEVER* be happy putting his foot over his wife.
Thanks for all the info, your blog is extremely helpful.
it’s nice!!!
@Sister, do not take this article so negatively. There are many articles giving men advice on how to be good husbands. Muslim men are greatly encouraged to be loving, kind, compassionate, generous and faithful to their wives. If you go to Islamicity.com and use the Qua’ran search or Hadith search, you can look up wives and marriage. The website Islamway.com has this great article: http://english.islamway.com/bindex.php?section=article&id=103
Inshallah both husband and wife will do their best to please Allah and therefore please each other.
Once the sister has gained full trust of the husband, she is normally given access to everything money, assets etc she runs the house and even bosses the husband around on what to wear etc (in a nice way) The sister who was a princess now truly becomes the QUEEN!!! she is appreciated in everyway!! tooooo many too mention!! in return the husband loves her unconditionally and keeps her secure.
Alhamdu lillah
Mashallah, Alhamdulillah and Inshallah if every muslim husband and wife should follow and respect each others will go in Jannah. Thanks for all the informations but we should follow unless otherwise god knows what we are doing.
sister, ladies with ur attitude cannot see the positive aspects, donot you think its easy to keep one man happy than hundreds, i hope u got me what i want to say, females with such attitudes cannot carry the relation much longer and once its over at that time they realize what they have lost.
What a wonderful article!!! MashAllha!!!!! I hope many (both male and female) would get this article useful. Unfortunately, some may perceive it as subjugation of women/wife. May Allha open their mind so that they see it differently and take it positively!!! Amen!!!
Treat people (especially your spouse) the same way you want to be treated.
Listen to each other, be understanding, help each other fulfill his/her obligations and rights, and be willing to compromise.
Obey him and agree with him as much as possible as it instructs – even though you may dislike his commands over you or really disagree with him- is not subjugation because? And them pass this treatment down to your daughters?
FYI: It doesn’t say obey him and agree to his orders when he is kind and correct. It just says to flat out obey him. A good lesson for daughters to pick up from their mother’s???
What must be realized is that only a God fearing man will perform his rights as a husband, and “he will become like a servant to you”. Obviously, you can only expect that the husband will treat you well, is if you’ve chosen him well. If his piety was your main priority before marriage, his piety will bring success, contentment and happiness in marriage (as will yours obviously). Any companionship involves understanding each others rights, and negotiating a balance. The same can be said for marriage. If you try to attain piety, and have chosen a husband who’s main goal is to please Allah swt as well, inshallah your journey together will be easier.
Mashallah what a great article! I think if every sister read this she would have no problem on her side. My Allah(swt) guide our young sisters nowadays. Ameen!
Totally agree with Sister. Want to be a good muslima but really cannot swallow this’just be a good little wife, shut up and listen to your husband stuff’.Maybe a result of being brought up in the West, but it certainly comes across as extremely chauvanistic and subjgative for sure….And MOST men now adays are NOT God fearing, fair or kind from what I’ve seen. They are not even always the bread winners any more. Sometimes there is really very little to respect….Seen too many men treat some very nice sisters so badly, I’m afraid I’ve lost faith in our muslim men……May Allah SWT forgive and guide us all.Ameen
Salam,
I think this is a great article and I’m a woman! I think the reason why some people think this article subjugates women is because it is seen simplistically. I don’t think this article is denying the fact that women have rights. What this article is emphasizing is WISDOM. Wisdom on how to build love, trust, and respect in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that the woman loses her dignity. It is possible to do the above and still be a strong-minded woman. The suggestions in the article are effective ways of building love and trust, critical components of making a marriage work. Yelling and always stamping your foot down for your rights will not create a harmonious atmosphere to build a strong relationship. It’s when both, man and woman, come into the marriage looking to serve the other and not measuring every millimeter of their rights.
Usually, in any relationship, when a person selflessly gives, it causes the other to return selflessly as well. However, there are instances when the person is so selfish that even the suggestions above will not soften his heart. Then there is recourse for other measures to ensure one is not being oppressed. Islam is holistic and we need to remember that things are much more nuanced. The article above is not aiming to depict all Islam has to say on oppressive relationships. It is simply emphasizing that there is great wisdom in acting this way in all relationships and can bring about an extraordinary amount of barakah. Obviously, there are exceptions.
masha ALLAH,ya rabb soften our hrts nd make us dwell amng d righteous women
The article is great and will help a lot of sisters abou to get married or those that r already married. But majority of men this days are losing respect from their wives because of selfish reasons. I know a lot of sisters that are trying really hard to keep their marriage but the husbands are treating them like piece of shit , with no oita of respect. So once they loss respect in the eyes of the wives it cannot be regained. I don’t understand why men treat women as if they are doing them a favour.
This is what makes a real Marriage work, and take the relationship to the next level.
This is something a non muslim or a weak muslim will never grasp. being selfless. putting your spouces happpyness before your own. unfortuantly many msulims bought up in the west have contracted the disease “ME,ME,ME” the me me me culture. Whats in it for me. And when your not happy you want out, when your not getting what you want from it, you want out. And so you see a lot of muslims in the west divourcing quickly.
If your husband is not commanding you to do something Haraam, then there is nothing wrong with doing it. if your husband is treating you with respect and ask you of things, even though you may not feel like doing it, or dislike it. Why not do it, just to make him happy? And the same for your husband. Sometimes you need to do things you dislike to please someone else. I been married a year and i learnt this myself. My husband does things i ask of him, or for me even though i know he is not keen on it. And i in turn do the same for him too.
Its called a real marriage. Not a “hollywood” fake marriage…. reality people. reality.
DO YOU KNOW THE MORALS BEHIND THIS STORY ??????
THIS LADY THAT GOT MARRIED IS THE MOTHER OF THE BEST SCHOLAR THAT EVER LIVED
SO BEFORE YOU JUDGE RE CONSIDER AND THINK BEFORE YOU MAKE COMMENTS
Salam Alaikum, can anyone direct me to a any similar article that gives advice on how to make wives happy?